Friday, July 7, 2017

The Affair

The Affair

reblogged from with further comments

Chad Bird is an old friend who writes often concerning such topics and more. I recommend that you check out his blog.

There are times when a man and a woman, even though they’re good people, even though they’re both married and committed to their respective spouses, even though these spouses love them, find themselves falling in love with another person whom they think is their soulmate. It isn’t planned. They’re not looking to cheat. But out of the blue they meet someone and begin thinking, “I might be happier with this other person.” Then they have a choice to make.

That, at least, is the premise of countless TV shows, movies, and novels. Not to mention real life. So, if you’re in that situation, you might be asking yourself, “What do I do?”

Yes, that is the pressing question: what do you do? To begin with, you drop the pretense that you're still being faithful. You're not.

If you: (1) “fall in love” with another person; (2) confuse “falling in love” with real love; (3) know the other person so well that you think he/she is your soulmate; (4) are already imagining that life with the other person might make you happy, then you may not have opened your bedroom to that person, but your heart is already a mess of tangled sheets.

So it’s not a question of whether you will begin an affair, but whether you will escape from the one you’re already in.

There are countless articles and books about how to “Affair-Proof” your marriage, complete with lists of things to do to protect your marriage from infidelity. And many of these have helpful suggestions. I’m not writing another such list.

What I want to urge is one main point, one truth that undergirds so much of this discussion: affairs don’t begin with lust, or discontent with your spouse, or boredom in a long-term relationship. Affairs always begin by believing lies.


Chief among these delusions is that “falling in love” is the same as loving the other person. “Falling in love” has nothing to do with love. It is not the prelude to love, its foundation, or the ongoing nurture of love. What we term “falling in love” is stumbling into a state of emotional bliss with another person.

True love is the willful choice to act selflessly for another person, to commit yourself to that person, regardless of the emotional ups and downs. A man and woman who commit adultery together cannot love each other. It’s impossible. That’s like saying two people who are stabbing each other are giving life to each other. If they loved each other, they wouldn’t be harming each other through adultery, harming their spouses and children, and living a lie.

Adultery begins in selfishness, continues in selfishness, and breeds yet more selfishness. It is not, and cannot be, a relationship of love. They may mouth the words, “I love you,” but what they really mean is, “You are meeting my selfish emotional needs and I am meeting yours. We are using each other.


A second delusion, so often believed by men and women who travel the adultery road, is that they’ve found their soulmate. They think that fate has led them to that one person, within the vast sea of humanity, whose soul is a perfect match for their own. Now, leaving aside the fact that soulmates are a figment of a romantic imagination, that no such thing even exists, let’s assume for a moment that they do.

Suppose that all of us have this soulmate out there, just waiting for us to meet them. Would such a person, so intimately bound to you, presumably wanting only what is best for you, actively encourage and participate with you in breaking the oaths you swore to your spouse, assist you in ripping your family to shreds, and become one flesh with you in a union God himself condemns? Of course not.

If you’re married, you have a mate. And that mate has a soul as well as a body. Your spouse is your bodymate, your soulmate, your heartmate—the whole shebang. No one else is. You left your father and your mother to become one flesh with your husband or wife. You are no longer two, but one.

To look elsewhere for this fictional soulmate is to deny that God has joined you to another person already in holy matrimony.


Finally, the third delusion is that you can fantasize about having an affair without actually committing adultery. You can live out your fantasy vicariously through the million books and movies that revolve around this theme.

But, of course, you don’t need media for these mental games. You can daydream about what you’d like to do with that guy from work who is always flirting with you. You can close your eyes while you’re having sex with your wife and imagine she is that newfound friend who’s stirring feelings within you that you thought had died long ago.

The heart is the bed where most adultery takes place. As Jesus said, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; but I say to you, that everyone who looks on a woman to lust for her has committed adultery with her already in his heart,” (Matthew 5:27).

If you’re imagining that life with the other person might make you happy; if you’re romanticizing about him or her; then you have already betrayed your spouse. You have willfully chosen to adulterate in your heart. And your heart has your body on a leash; where your heart goes, your body is sure to follow.


Affairs always begin by believing lies. They dress themselves up as sexy lies, beautiful lies, fun lies, but beneath this lovely veneer there is the stinking, rotting corpse of adultery that your lips seek to kiss.

I should know. I believed all these lies years ago. I committed adultery. And I witnessed the destruction caused by my actions in the lives of those I was called to love and serve.

Affairs are all about lies—lies that ultimately destroy. Christ is all about truth, and true love, the kind of love that pursues the rebellious to bring them finally to repentance, forgiveness, and restoration. Like the “Hound of Heaven,” he will not stop running after us until he brings us back to himself, to his Father, to the blood-soaked love that he shed for us all.

He did that for me, years ago. And he wants it for all who have entangled themselves in the web of adultery. There is healing, and that healing is in his wounds. There is new life, and that new life is in his death and resurrection, in his welcoming embrace of all who have gone astray.

If affairs always begin by believing lies, then repentance always begins by believing the truth: the truth that you are in the wrong, the truth that you have a God who loves you in Jesus Christ, and the truth that he and he alone can save you not only from adultery but from every sin that seeks to lead you down the path of destruction. You’ll find in him not only a Savior who forgives, but whose fidelity covers our every infidelity with the spotless garment of his grace and mercy.


Chad, by your leave, may I add a couple of thoughts ...

another couple of lies may be involved in all this .....
One lie might have to do with what we think of as "adultery."
Let us go to Luther's translation of Mathew 5:32 where we see the word "Ehebruch," in his rendition. "Ehe" being "marriage, and "bruch" having to do with breaking. Of course in English common law and in common understanding "marriage breaking" would most likely have to do with sexual misconduct and I have no argument with that. English common law and the Webster's Dictionary, however, may be very poor sources of theological understanding. English common law has an agenda of its own. The sort of sexual misconduct that most frequently comes to mind is not necessarily the only sort of sexual misconduct that this topic deals with. St Paul, for example, counsels in 1 Corinthians 7:5 concerning a matter which we tend often to ignore - "Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time." There is more to all this too.

Chad, you very rightly said "If you’re married, you have a mate. And that mate has a soul as well as a body. Your spouse is your bodymate, your soulmate, your heartmate—the whole shebang. No one else is ... You are no longer two, but one." So well said, Chad, that I will yet in my career steal these words for a wedding sermon. But, but, sputter, sputter ... the pastor hears, "what about that dear close single friend of the opposite sex that I acquired during my single years? There was never any thing sexual about our relationship and never will be", or, "We just did things together sometimes to while away the lonesome hours of the night the way single people do," or, "of course we hugged and more but we did nothing single people don't do as a matter of course. So what? Why does this have to change? Why do I have to put distance between me and my unmarried friends? Why does my spouse have to be so unreasonable about this?" Or, "yes, once in my past, one of my exes swore that her ex was just that, an ex, nowadays a friend and no more. Then I caught my ex and her ex "ex"ing on the sofa but this is different." "My spouse had a similar experience in her past but this isn't the same at all, my friend and I are just friends and no more." Or, "why doesn't my spouse see reason at all? She is just so hardheaded. I am going to find a way to do what I want." I've heard the same or similar story from both males and females more often than you want to know about. It may well be that all the parties in question have had their had pants on and have no intention whatever of else. Nonetheless, there you have it, marriage bruising if not marriage breaking. The "oneness" of "no longer two, but one" is damaged.

I cringe when I hear a mom or more rarely a dad say "my children come first?" Ummm, just where in the Holy Scriptures is it written that "children come first" for either the man or the woman in a marriage relationship? Show me where it says "you are no longer two but you, a flock of children and your spouse." The oneness of "no longer two, but one" is thrown to the winds.

How many times did I hear from a wife that "my husband is no longer interested in me, I think he must have a lover." Then a few days later, from her husband, "my wife is no longer interested in me, I think she must have a lover." The grey-haired pastor asks each of them: "where does Junior sleep?" Each answers, "between us, in our bed, of course." And the grey haired pastor sternly says: "Get Junior his own bed in his own room and see what happens." In every case where the couple heeded the old grey-haired pastor the marriage was mended. In every case where they did not, the marriage failed. And yes, these marriages were bruised, and in some cases finally broken, because another person was allowed to intrude the relationship.

Oh, and there are other twists and turns all this may follow. It may not be lovers, or friends, or children, it may be parents. While Holy Writ says "Honor your Father and your Mother," Holy Writ also says "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh (Matthew 19:5)," followed by "what God has joined together, let man not separate." The point of which is that God has joined two so that they are no longer two but one, and, we are not to insert any other into that oneness of the one which he has created in this manner. Jobs, vocations, hobbies, even the office of the Holy Ministry are sometimes allowed to stand unscripturally between a wife and her husband.

Historically, we Croat types have had all these twists and turns and more. The stresses of war push all these at us. So do the stresses of having a considerable portion of our population at sea or working in foreign lands for extended times. Fleeing for one's life or struggling just to get by does all kinds of things to people. We haven't even talked about all the things that can come up when spouses have to be apart and there is no way out from that situation. No one deliberately jumps into the frying pan, or from the frying pan into the fire -these situations pretty much just happen and they can be problems when they arise. So what do do?

The solution to the problem which we humans seem to be so clever at creating is as Chad wrote: "There is healing, and that healing is in [Christ's] wounds. There is new life, and that new life is in his death and resurrection, in his welcoming embrace of all who have gone astray."

do sljedeći put, blagoslov - until next time, blessings,
David Byler a.k.a. Canovals
7. srpanj 2017

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Ej Od Buchlova - Květa Černá

Yes, I know this is on Czech language.   So why am I publishing this song on You Tube and Facebook and everywhere? First, notice the sahnovica hrvatska which the Czech eagle wears. The eagle is telling you something. It's up to you to go find out what he is saying. Most importantly, "Ej Od Buchlova" is part of my Texas heritage from my youth.   On the now gone and mostly remembered here Radio Station KFRD in Rosenberg, Texas, the Croatian DJ for the early morning show (almost daylight to 9:00 Am show) used to play this in honor of engagements and weddings that people told him about among the Slavic communities in those parts in those days..

I always wanted to dedicate this song to someone.   For all the years I listened to KFRD in the mornings early, I never had someone who would in any way appreciate the song.   KFRD is gone now, but I am still around after more than 60 years since I first heard the song.   Sad, da?  Istina?  Ne!  Now I have my someone.   I have my precious Teryne who loves me and who puts up with me. Today is Dan Valentinovo.   Teryne is my Valentine.   Now this song at last has my someone for whom I wish to dedicate it.

"Ej Od Buchlova" is a traditional wedding festivity song.   It commemorates a far away castle - at Castle Buchlov in Czech lands.   Far away and romantic.   Perhaps a place one could escape to with his bride, who knows?    We are still in our honeymoon.  Perhaps we shall always be in our honeymoon.  Perhaps someday we shall escape to Castle Buchlov and enjoy the beauty and the solitude there for ourselves.  Who knows?   We might you know...  At least we have the song ... and the romance ...

On English language, the words are more or less:
Ej, the wind is blowing from the town of Buchlov and it’s ruffling Kathy’s ribbons. 
Today a bride, tomorrow a woman, tonight you’ll start wearing the married woman’s bonnet.
1.You are Kathy a white rose, you didn’t need a man, 
you could have enjoyed freedom like the fish in clear water.
2.You are, Martin, a green tree, you didn’t need a wife.
You could have walked around free, like a pigeon on the roof

Of course on Czech language 
Ej, od Buchlova větr věje
už tej Kačence pantle bere
/: Dneska nevěsta, zajtra žena,
dnes večer budeš začepená :/

Ty si Kačenko bílá růža
tobě nebylo třeba muža
/: Tys mohla chodit po slobodě,
jak ta rybička v bystrej vodě :/

Ty si Martine strom zelený
tobě nebylo třeba ženy
/: Tys mohl chodit po galánkách,
jak ten holúbek po hambálkách :/

God's Blessings my darling Teryne ,,,,,,,,
yours David

Monday, November 7, 2016

Teryne and David November 1 2016

Two Become One

"Two Become One"

Wedding Sermon for David Byler and Teryne Bell: "Two Become One"
+ The Rite of Holy Matrimony – November 1st, 2016 +
David Byler and Teryne Bell

Genesis 2:7, 18-25; Ephesians 5:15, 21-33; Matthew 19:4-6

In the Name of the Father and of the + Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

In Genesis it is written: A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

St. Paul agrees: A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. And St. Paul learned his theology of marriage from Jesus who declares: So then, they are no longer two but one flesh.

The two become one. This is the constant theme for God’s gift of marriage, for the marriage of David and Teryne’s today, and it’s also a declaration of the Church’s marriage to Christ: we are his bride; he is the bridegroom.

The two become one. It may sound like some fuzzy arithmetic, like Big Brother’s accounting: 2+2=5. But this is not double speak; it’s the truth. Marriage is God’s gift of divine mathematics. Two become one. It was not good that man should be alone. So as God gave Eve to Adam and Adam to Eve, today he gives Teryne to David and David to Teryne.

But of course we know marriage takes work. Adam and Eve fell for the devil’s doublespeak and the perfect union they had with each other, the perfect communion they had with God, was divided. Not long after the great marriage of Genesis 2 came the great divorce of Genesis 3. Husband and wife divided in sin. Creation divided in sin. Each of us divided by our sin. We fight against the maggot sack of our sinful flesh, as Martin Luther once called it

. But we do not fight alone. David and Teryne are not alone. And neither are you. As good as it is that God is joining this man and this woman together today, it is even greater that God has united us Jesus’ death and resurrection in Baptism. As good as the union of man and woman is, it is even greater that God unites himself in our humanity to remove the dividing wall of sin from us forever. As good as the marriage feast and celebration will be here today, the eternal joy and mirth of the marriage supper of the Lamb in heaven, and the Lord’s Supper here on earth are far greater.

You see, Moses, Paul, Jesus were right. The two become one. It’s true in God’s gift of marriage. And it’s true of Christ’s death and resurrection for you. On the cross Jesus divided you from your sin forever. Jesus became one with your death. And Jesus has made you one with him in his resurrection.

That’s what St. Paul means when he says that God’s gift of marriage is a great mystery. The one-ness of husband and wife in marriage is a reflection of the one-ness given to us in Christ Crucified. He’s the bridegroom; we’re his bride.

Jesus became bone of our bone and flesh of our flesh to save you. Jesus saw that it was not good for us to be alone in our sin, so he took it upon himself for you. Jesus gave himself up for us, to make us holy, to cleanse us, to wash us with water and word, to present us without spot or wrinkle or any such thing. In the cross of Jesus, the two become one.

It is this grand, yet gracious mystery of our one-ness in Christ Crucified that will sustain David and Teryne as they are made one in marriage. For try as they will not to, they will still sin against one another. And life will not always feel like heaven on earth. But none of that can divide them, or you, from Christ our bridegroom. For in Christ, David and Teryne, and all of us, are one with in the flesh of Jesus Crucified for you.

So, whether it’s God’s gift of marriage here today, or the marriage supper of the Lamb, the two become one in Christ who has become one with us.

In the Name of the Father and of the + Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.
Posted by Pastor Samwise Praetorius (Samuel Schuldheisz) at 4:46 PM

reblogged from E-nklings by Pastor Samuel Schuldheisz

Friday, October 21, 2016

Što Sam Tko Sam - Sergej Jesenjin

"What am I? Who am I?"
Sergej Aleksandrovič Jesenjin 1895 - 1925
Što Sam Tko Sam
recitirao David Byler
pomoćni urednik: tb

Što sam? Tko sam? Ja sam samo sanjar,
čiji pogled gasne u magli i memli,
živio sam usput, ko da sanjam
kao mnogi drugi ljudi na toj zemlji.

I tebe sad ljubim po navici, dijete,
zato što sam mnoge ljubio, bolećiv,
zato usput, ko što palim cigarete,
govorim i šapćem zaljubljene riječi.

"Uvijek" i "ljubljena" i "upamtit ću",
a u duši vazda ista pustoš zrači;
ako dirneš strast u čovjekovu biću,
istine, bez sumnje, nikad nećeš naći.

Zato moja duša ne zna što je jeza
odbijenih želja, neshvaćene tuge.
Ti si, moja gipka, lakonoga brezo,
stvorena i za me i za mnoge druge.

Ali, ako tražeć neku srodnu dušu.
vezan protiv želje, utonem u sjeti,
nikad neću da te ljubomorom gušim,
nikad neću tebe grditi ni kleti.

Što sam? Tko sam? Ja sam samo sanjar,
čiji pogled gasne u magli i memli,
i volim te usput, ko da sanjam
kao mnoge druge na toj zemlji.

music :Frédéric Chopin Chopin 1 March 1810 — 17 October 1849)
performed by Chiara Bertoglio, published at IMSLP, released under CCA 3.0 license
visuals edited by Canovals
furnished by C.E. Price at Internet archive
PD stock footage: Boiling Clouds, Dark Cumulus 1, Dark Clouds, Night Tree.
furnished by Ilias81 at Wikimedia Commons, also PD is "Fog"

Isn't it time you heard this beautiful poem recited by a Croatian? Here you have it. I've done it.

Please comment and let me know what you think.

Puno hvala,

David Byler

Thursday, October 20, 2016

Country dalmatino - Džo Maračić-Maki

From 2009, " Country dalmatino," a song that defined Džo Maračić-Maki for the next several years. The lyrics and music were written by Teo Trumbić who is married to Sanja Trumbić from Split who recorded "Most," also written by Teo, on Sarajevo Disk in 1990.

Džo Maračić-Maki recorded this on Croatia Records ‎– CD 5861645 2009 track 3. Branko Glavan was the arranger.

The visuals are entirely from Texas ...
the dam at Blanco State Park
Adriatica Village in McKinney
with selected shots from Blanco, Guadalupe, and Brazoria Counties
and back to the Blanco River to watch the duck swim away at the end.

The cameral work is entiredly by David Byler aka Canovals in 2013 and 2014.

do sljedeći put, blagoslov - until next time, blessings,
David Byler a.k.a. Canovals
20. listopad 2016

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Kozak Pjesma i Ples V

In the summer of 2008, Wallace Schultz, a former Lutheran Hour Speaker took a journey to the Kazakhstan during which time he passed through portions of the Russian Federation. Wally brought back for me a proper "shapka" (mountain peak) or "babushka" (which means old lady) made of rabbit skin dyed black, as it should be. I have treasured the hat all these years and wear it sometimes when it is very cold. Even more than the hat, I treasure the footage he shot of these Kozak dancers and their music which I am sharing with you.